I’m not an anti-goal setter. I set goals all the time, but that is not always what gets me through the grind. I need a daily thing. You can call it habits, ok we all call it habits.
Goals inspire us. They make you feel good about yourself. You do all those nice stuff like visualization meditating on it and so on. For how long?
First forget inspiration. Habit is more dependable. Habit will sustain you whether you’re inspired or not. -Octavia Butler
You know there are those superhumans who put a goal up on their wall and just follow it?
I’ve had open-heart surgery to correct my Tetralogy of Fallot defect. They cut open your chest with a saw. Then they go-ahead to cut and patch your heart so that it works as it should.
The 10 plus cardioversions I had later in life were not bad at all. Time spent in hospital just feels like a waste of time for me. The intensive care units are the worst. Shure, they monitor you the whole time, but those beeping heart monitors are irritating. I know it’s in my best interest that they check up on me the whole time. But why do they have to take your temperature at 04:30 in the morning?
Then the taking of blood at 05:00! What a way to wake up, with a needle in your arm. I’m not complaining just stating a fact.
Sorry for that. In any case, cardioversion is when they put those paddles on you and say “clear”. They shock that 50 or 100 joules through your body. Sometimes 200 joules.
With my recent cardioversions, they also did a TEE. Basically, a pipe in your throat to see what your heart looks like. Looking to see if there are any blood clots. Don’t worry they use a date rape drug on you. I don’t remember anything. Cool.
The ablation is where they punch a hole in your groin stick a piece of metal up your arteries into your heart. Burning stuff inside your heart so that your heart stays in rhythm. I’ve had two of them. I’m extremely thankful for all the above.
“If you’re reading this… Congratulations, you’re alive. If that’s not something to smile about, then I don’t know what is.” ― Chad Sugg, Monsters Under Your Head
Only One Scar
The only big scar is the zipper on my chest. Let’s say the first cut was the deepest! I don’t have scars for the cardioversions. The ablation scars are very small and, well let’s just say they are not visible.
I’m relatively in shape not overweight and physically function 100%.
The problem I and other heart patients have with their heart is that it’s not visible. I know it’s like that with many illnesses. The small problem that creeps into our minds is that if your heart stops beating. You get the picture.
“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” ― Woody Allen
Only a few minutes. That’s how long you can survive without a heartbeat. Then if everything goes well they still have to revive you back to your “normal living state”
Like many heart patients, I hear and feel my heartbeat. Strange to explain but we just do. It’s like a superpower. To infinity and beyond!!!! Got carried away with the superpower thing.
I can feel my heartbeat. Mostly when it’s out of rhythm.
You’re fine!
It goes both ways. Sometimes you’re not fine and you want to cry it out. Pleading to them that they must feel your chest your pulse your heartbeat. It’s not fine I’m in a state! A bad state.
Other times you really are fine. Then the comment is uplifting encouraging. You feel and act as if you’re the strongest and fittest person in the room. You can move mountains. You easily forget the unfortunate many or few incidents your heart was out of rhythm or Ectopic.
I know there are the strong ones. Those who can go on with their lives even if they have an Ectopic Heartbeat spell. Even when they are not in normal sinus rhythm. They go on regardless. That depends.
It depends on how bad your heart is out of rhythm. It plays a major factor. Mine has gone from just feeling a bit uneasy and not able to exercise as I want to. But also a racing heart when I climb stairs.
Or, nearly fainting. I know others have that small problem holding your conciseness. It’s sort of troublesome. Fainting when your heart goes out of rhythm. It messes up your day. It’s the blood. There’s not enough of it getting to the brain.
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin and Hobbes
Ectopic heartbeats
It’s nothing you’re fine. My doctor, your doctor says it’s benign. Yes in almost all cases it is. Many people experience ectopic heartbeats, some worse than others. The problem is telling your head that your heart is alright when your heart is bouncing, fluttering, and giving “hard” beats.
You feel your heart doing its own thing, skipping, fluttering missing beats. The phrase inside your head goes. “You’re fine it’s nothing”. If a doctor said it, it must be true! But your heart keeps bouncing around.
The trigger has been pulled. Even if my heart is OK, my head is now asking “It’s something, are you alright?” The management of anxiety must begin. Don’t go down that road of asking too many questions, just live every moment.
“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart